I went to the doctor last Friday. Just a standand checkup, nothing special. Hubby called me around eleven to see if I was coming into town early enough to have lunch with him. I was not, my appointment was not until 3:30. We did, however, arrange to meet afterwards to buy a new mattress set for one of the guest rooms. I called him from inside the doctor's office to tell him I was just about done, just waiting for the nurse to bring my paperwork and I would be able to leave. He said he was going to leave work early and he would wait for me at the mattress store. As it turns out I arrived first and waited about twenty minutes for him. After we loaded our purchases, we stopped for a very nice dinner. Then we went home, unloaded the truck, cleaned up the room, set up the bed, and went on to bed ourselves.
Sunday night I asked him if he had moved my prescriptions from the doctor, he had and retrieved them for me. Monday I called him and asked if he would pick up a prescription I had filled at the pharmacy, he did and brought it home to me.
My point in blogging all of this is that he has yet to ask me how the appointment went. He has yet to ask me,"What did the doctor say?" The doctor did not tell me anything I didn't already know, nor did anything earth shattering happen. My sugar was up a little bit, we talked about getting cheaper meds, and then we talked about the healthcare plan and how it will affect all of us adversely and that he may be forced to give up his practice. He has been our doctor for a long time and I do not want to loose him. I would like to tell my husband this. I will, but not until he asked if I am alright. Is that too much to ask.
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Am I allowed to say that this scares me? At first I felt sympathetic...we've all been there. But then as I read on in your blog I realized that you have been married for some time with grown children. I know there are certain things that we will never be able to change in our husbands but to know that after all these years of your marriage this communication break down and hurt still exist for you really doesn't help young woman, young pastors wifes have hope that perhaps through prayer and grace we can "get better at it". I hurt for you that after all your years with your husband you still have these hurts and that you feel invisible. Are there bright moments? Or do you feel this way all the time? I'm hoping that you established this blog as a venting tool b/c you have no where to turn and you can't talk to your husband. I hope your able to share something happy in the days to come!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your husband is oblivious to you. He seems to act as if you aren't even there.
ReplyDeleteThree things: The first you already know - God knows you're there. He loves you with a great love. But being a pastor's wife, you know this. I'm sure there are days it's all you hold on to.
Second, I hope you have dear friends you can talk to. From what my wife and I read, you have some family issues. I hope you have a close friend you can confide in. Lord knows, we can't make them in the church.
Third, my wife and I are thinking of you and praying for you. If it makes you feel good to complain, let it out.
No one knows what it's like to be in ministry except those who have experienced it, right? So let it go, I say. You have a sympathetic ear with us.