Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Comments, I Finally Have Comments

For those of you who have read my blog, and to the one who has been so gracious in her comments to me, I am grateful. Yes I did create this blog as a venting tool because I do not complain to anyone else. I learned a long time ago that I either did not have nor really wanted to confide in anyone regarding my hurt and feelings of invisibility. My mother would have sided with my husband - my most vivid memories of childhood are of her telling me in various ways that I was not worthy. My mother-in-law often told me and others of her issues with my father-in-law and I knew this was an effort on her part to down grade him in everyone's eyes and I did not want that in my family. I have never wanted anyone to see my husband through my eyes. I wanted him lifted up so that others, especially our children, would see the wonderful things in him and the heights he is capable of reaching. I never wanted his congregation or our church friends to see him for anything other than the godly man he really is.

Given this, however, he is not perfect and I guess I see the things no one else does. It is just this area of "us" that he seems to have so much trouble with - yet he does not see it as trouble. We have talked about this many, many times. Sometimes I think it is just me, and yes I realize I have inferiority issues. I think perhaps I just look for things to get angry about or read things into what he does that are not really there. I have lost a lot of trust in my life but I really do try not to complain, at least until I have the facts straight. Yet there continues to be those times when he reinforces this issue and I feel invisible again.

To answer your other question, yes there are good times - wonderful times in fact and life is good. Like when he will kill a bug for me because he knows I don't like to or when he says that the church only keeps him on so they can keep me. And this past weekend when he surprised me with antique leaded glass doors for my pantry. So you see we do have a good life, I have no desire to end what we have.

I have a couple of friends who are absolutely terrible to their husbands. They complain to everyone about everything and I think that is awful. I don't know why their husbands stay with them let alone treat them with the kindness they do. I was always so afraid in our early years to complain for fear he would leave me, but I suppose I really should have stood my ground way back then and things might be better today.


  1. My wife and I discovered your site.

    You give yourself so freely through your writing. You remind me of my late mother.

    We hurt for you. You obviously aren't being ministered to by your husband. We're praying for you as you struggle and are following your writing.

    You are a gifted writer and communicator. You have much to say and have a way about you when you say it. Please keep writing and sharing your experiences. Know that people are reading and that you are a help and encouragement.

    God bless you and be with you.

  2. I am very excitied to know that there is someone else who struggles with being in the shadows. I too am a Pastor's wife. Reading your blog has given me inspiration and hope. So often we (pastor wives) dont talk abouy our experiences and others could actually be helped by them. So I thank you for standing up and not being ashamed to share your life with us.I am sharing my experiences as being a wife of a pastor in a rural area. Right now this minute the church is going thru great turmoil. I find comfort in blogging my story in hopes that some other wife or couple out there will be able to make it thru. I hope you get a chance to visit my site. Tahnks and happy blogging!

  3. Dear MidOhioPW: I have read all your postings and am glad to find someone else who is struggling with how to cope with a silent husband. Just last week I found this link and it is beginning to help me to understand how my husband and I think differently. I was surprised to see that his actions are one of self-protection, so it is true, he does not mean to hurt you, he loves you. I still am working through this myself so I will pray for you as I pray for me. Hope this helps.


  4. Thank you for your comment. If means so much to me to know I am not alone. Love and prayers to everyone who has been such an encouragement to me. You keep me sane.