Friday, April 30, 2010

You Might Be Surprised

With all the complaining and venting I have done on this blog, you might be surprised to know that for the most part I like my life. I am contented. I have more good times and peace than bad times and anxiety. I like the material things that I have but especially that I are not encumbered by material things. I like my house, the cars, I have more than enough clothes and that I buy them for comfort and not for style. I even like the dog though I am less a dog person than she is a person dog. I love my children and the grandchildren. I love nothing more than having my entire family around the dinner table so that I can just hear them. I love the laughter, the joy, and the blessing of just having them near. I love my husband. Surprised? I do, I really, really do. He is a wonderful man. He brings me profound happiness - most of the time.

He thinks we are fine. He thinks that because he does not have physical needs, I don't either. He says he does not realize that he tenses up just slightly when we touch. He will touch me and snuggle with me but does not know that he touches me with qualifications. He will hold me around the middle but not allow his hands to go up or down to more intimate areas and if they do, he moves away quickly. He will not allow me to touch him - grabbing my hands if they appear to be headed toward his protected parts - not realizing I have not headed in that direction for many years. He is very attentive in public, but stops abruptly when we are alone. He does not think that his not confiding in me is a problem. He thinks keeping things from me is okay. He thinks its okay for me to find out things second hand or not at all. He will share his money with me if I ask, I never ask, but I do not have access to it on my own. He pays his bills, I pay mine. I could give you stories but I am sure you get the picture.

I have learned to go without. I accept what he gives me. I try not to complain too much - mainly because I have realized after all these years that we have had this same conversation a thousand times, that we will have this same conversation again, and again. If he has not changed by this time, I do not know how to change him. I can only change myself.

At the moment things are pretty normal. He is okay. I am not. We fought this week, he said he was sorry - that he did not realized he hurt me - that he did not intend to hurt me - that he would not hurt me for the world. Yet he does. He will again. Nothing will change.


  1. I really don't understand this. Why do people get married if they do not want sex? I have seen way too many marriages where 1 party gives up on sex while they are still relatively young and the other spouse still has needs and desires. If one gives up on it in their 60's it isn't that big of a deal. But all too often it happens when they are still in their late 20's or early 30's. And that is the biggest reason for divorce, IMHO. Why even get married if not for the legal/moral aspects of having sex in marriage? If one is not going to get regular, exciting sex from their spouse they might as well stay single.

  2. Sometimes I wonder when he decided he didn't like sex. Does he ever consider my needs? What would he do if our desires were reversed? What would he expect me to do if I had no desire and he did? I wonder.

  3. May I ask, do you dear woman of God, believe your husband should be a pastor?

  4. Yes I do. Sometimes I think he would have made a good Catholic priest - celebacy would be okay with him. He is an excellent preacher. He is interesting and you learn from him. He is very good about relating the Bible to today and the issues we face. I have seen God change his sermon and the result is much better than the orignial. I know God has His Hand on him. I know this surprises you but it is only this area where we have problems. Perhaps I should blog more about his good attributes. Much love and thanks for your concern.