Friday, January 22, 2010

Where Do Pastor's Wives Complain

If you are a pastor's wife like me, where do you go to complain about the man you are married to? This is a problem that has plagued me nearly all of my married life and even before he became a minister. My family loves him, sometimes I feel they think he could have done better - much better. His family loves him, he was a tiny, premature baby and everyone has been protecting him ever since. His children idolize him, he is their hero. His congregation almost thinks he walks on water. I have no truly close friend. So where to I go, hurt and angry, frustrated beyond measure and no one to confide in.

Maybe that is why I started this blog. To vent, to rage, to hurl pent up frustrations at anyone who might stumble across my babblings. To hope someone out there understands what I deal with, my trials, my pain.

We do get along, We love each other. We hardly ever fight. And honestly, there is very little wrong with our marriage. I am sure I frustrate him as much as he frustrates me. However, the difference is if he lets me know what I am doing wrong I make an effort to change. He on the other hand has been told, pleaded with, even begged countless times and we are still dealing with these issues all these many years later. Sometimes when I let him know how he has hurt me he says he didn't realize he was doing it - as if we had never had this same discussion before. Sometimes he says he doesn't mean to hurt me. Sometimes he says he is sorry - most times I feel as if he is just telling me what I want to hear so we can be done with it. Which leads me to the main source of my frustration - that he does not hear me, that he does not consider me, that I am always an after thought.

So for today I think that will have to be enough venting. We are not currently fighting and bringing this up will only upset me. The weekend is coming and I would like to have some attention focused on me and be able to appreciate it.

1 comment:

  1. I've been reading your blog. I can't say much to you that won't sound hypocritical. I cheated on my wife while in the ministry.

    Pastor's wives often get the brunt of the pain and anger that the pastor's experience. And it's not fair. You don't deserve it. I've talked to pastor after pastor about it. I've seen the ministry tear up marriage after marriage - is it the fault of the ministry? No, it's the fault of the person, ultimately.

    I hurt for you, I really, really do. I'm sorry you're struggling. I see it in your words and see your frustration. We'll be praying for you.